My Reality: Everywhere I go people stop and stare, point and whisper, laugh when I walk by, smirk when I wear heels, come up to me and tell me how tall I am (like I don’t know!), basically make me feel like I should be in the circus!! Why do people do that.. make me feel ugly and insecure?? Why is being tall a bad thing?Better yet, why can’t a woman with my height where heels without everyone making me feel like I am a fucking joke??

Seriously, I just can’t wrap my head around it anymore.. and sadly, its working, keeping me staying inside day after day, avoiding big groups of people, alienating myself from those around me, wearing big baggy clothing so people cant see the real me… i wish someone could see me right now and my tears of rejection.

i just dont understand it. you told me that you like me, then you dont talk to me. you have caused me 22+ cuts all over my body. you make me feel like a worthless piece of shit sometimes. and then i cut myself. is the only way i can get my anger out, becasue if i asked you about it then you would lie to me, even though i know the truth. danm, why do i even bother?

I fucking hate you soooooo much!! i cannot believe that we every use to be friends. now the only people that like you are whores….just like you. they three of you are sluts. no wonder you guys hang out together. you’re such a dumb bitch! you have a fucking boyfriend! mannnn, i feel sooooo fucking sorry for him! you have him, so why do you still flirt with other guys?! oh yeah, its because you’re a whore. man, i dont know what eooeoie sees in you, or anyone as a matter of fact. i think that they only like you is because they know that you’re easy and you can give them what they want. you have no fucking idea how much i just want to punch you in your fucking face. also, you’re just like your sister. she two kids from different guys! WOW, thats you in the future.

I just want you to know that all the picutes that i have of you in my room, now have a fucking push pin in your ugly ass face. i wish that i could do that in real life. i hope after i get out of school, i NEVER hear from you again! i wish that i have never met you. ewwwww i fucking hate you. and stop flirting with people’s crushes. you’re soo stupid and i already know that you fucking do that shit to make peole mad, and thats why everyone fucking hates you. i guess all the guys want is a whore, and they fucking got it, and that you. so go off and keep doing that. i cant fucking wait until the day you ass gets pregant or a std. hahaha im gonna be laughing my ass of at you. man i HATE you.

She treats me with so much disrespect that I can barely stand to look at her and it’s all because of money. She covers most of her bills and food. She covers our rent, which a lot of the time I’ll admit can’t pay. I told her I couldn’t pay but she insisted that I move in.

She drives up the credit card and gets upset that I can’t give her any money b/c she’s in the debt she created.

Recently, I just started making some money to help pay rent but she is so evil with how she speaks to me. I’m sick of it … I’m so damn sick of it! I feel trapped like I can’t get out of this relationship without turning my whole life upside down.

I’ve been thinking about cheating, just to hurt her and make her feel like shit; she’s driving me to it.
Although, it would be better to break-up with her; I don’t see the point of her not feeling the way she makes me feel or worse

I want to wait until I make more money and treat her with the disrespect she treats me with, find another girl and leave. I can’t bare to be with her in my success, when she can’t stand by me respectfully when times are bad.

She doesn’t know business is picking up for me financially.

I don’t know I’m not a bad person . . . maybe I just needed to vent on here . . . maybe.

[Translation: Portuguese » English]

I love Mia, Marlene and Beatriz. 3 women, which is in common? The fact that they all have gone through a tragedy or several of them in life. The fact that all of them are beautiful, the fact that I do not know how to always be those people that attract me and for me that I love. The fact that love them and feel what they felt over the life of them. I do not know why but all the people that attract me in the beginning and that later in the know are just a Bea, Mia and Marlene. I wonder why I? Why? Because I always loved by such people? Is luxuria calling for me? If that was why I feel it is more than that? I love them both. And I’m completely in the shit. Because my life stops because of it. For more laps I try to give. It attempts to do more to move on. For more initiatives that invention and try to do to forget everything else. Everything ends up wrong. I’m tired of living in that kind of world, where individualism reigns, where each is for you, where nobody is able to look the other and help him. I hate it. When we got the point. I know that I’m alive but I feel that all the dead time. People are dead inside, and I will understand. The Mia and Bea were people who did everything to give life … and failed. The Marlene is another. Why the hell am I love me again, by someone who certainly will end the same way that ended with the other two.

I dont know why.

I just dont.

Why wont you fuck me and ravage me?

If you are lying to me and make me look like a fool, I will rage like I’ve never raged before. It will turn my heart black.

You have no idea what FTW really means.

I never told anyone… things that crossed my mind that my parents would be upset with me… i dont know why they would but its still there…

another thing is the place i was living deals on a lot of taboo in a bad way so it wouldnt be good for me

me and my girlfriend broke up, and now at 20, i have not had a real girlfriend, and also i have no idea if i even like girls or guys, complicated but i dont know… how am i supposed to figure out things!?!?!

I want my bike back.

Over time I think to myself, I caused this trouble,
attempted to fix it yet made it double,
without any courage to face the hoard,
I stay inside the safety of my gaming board,
so I sit here in the comfort of this lot,
in the humble barracks of ol’ GameSpot.

Yeah, I got banned from a board for being an idiot. But, I’ve come to face it, and accept it. Thank you, everyone.

my family is so fucked up, and i feel like they hate me. my eldest brother *Abe* ignored me for like a year for no reason…like, i went to my brother *dan’s* house for a cook out and he was there, and he wouldnt even make eye contact with me, and he talked to everyone BUT me… then like 20 mins later he went to sleep… even now, i feel like crying cuz of it… i mean, do you know how that feels, im the youngest out of all my siblings (im 16 now, oldest sib. is 32) and when that happened i was only like 15, it hurt so bad, and he didnt even have a reason to do it… my mom said it was cuz the age diff. (hes like 25) but he was perfectly fine talking to my niece who is 11… and i have like 2 friends cuz no1 likes me, i never tell anyone how i feel, cuz i feel stupid and i dont even have a “best friend” and every friend i have always just leaves me, and treats me like shit, and i never stand up for myself… i hate it… and the person who used to be my best friendjust stopped talking to me, and she left me when i really needed her, …. u know how many times i have actually thought about suicide… more than i can count, i doubt id ever do it though.. i just feeling shitty all the time andhave no one there for me… i cant handle it… i dont know what to do…

and im not trying to make anyone feel bad for me or w/e i just wanted to tell someone even though they dont know me cuz i have never told anyone any of the way i feel and think.. ppl just see me as happy funny stupid acting jess, and they have NO idea about unhappy i actually am…
p.s- im not doing this to have ppl feel bad for me, and i tell u this cuz, even doing this, i feel stupid. =[

So you used him for months, pissed him off, ripped his heart out and ate it on the plates he fucking gave you to use. You’re so ungrateful it’s disgusting. Every aspect of you disgusts me and it disgusts… well, everyone. Once again you seem to have pulled the wool over J***’s eyes but you didn’t fool any of us. You seriously think writing a cute nice little letter is going to fix any of the shit you’ve pulled? Um no. You bought yourself what you wanted, another night in his bed. I got to sit back and listen to how miserable you made him, the only reason he tolerated your bullshit for as long as he did was because he’s in love with the girl you used to be, not the satanic whorehound you’ve become. You know, I thought I’d like you. Haha, I couldn’t have been more wrong. I hate you and everything you stand for. I really, truly hope that when your ass does get around to doing that favor you said you’d do (you know, what whole going back to hicksville thing), you’re in a violent car accident or something to the like. I don’t want you to die, no, I want you paralyzed. I want you to suffer. I have never hated anyone like I hate you, ever – and you deserve kudos for that.

Tonight I strongly considered calling out of work, showing up to fighter practice and punching you in the face. If I ever see you again, you can rest assured you will leave blind and limping. God, you’re such an ugly fucking soul. The best part is you think you’re physically attractive, too, but really – you’re not. J*** prefers me over you by far, he always has. I don’t know what he ever saw in you. All he was to you ever was a cheap fuck. Guess what, slut? Cheap fuck or not he knows your game. He’s not that dumb. All you did was buy yourself some time.

Keep in mind, the more time you’re here, the better my chances are of getting to do what I’ve wanted to do for a long time – hurt you. I know my words will go straight through that hollow little head of yours, for there’s not really any brain for them to run into in there. I’m not going to post cute little threats on MySpace and talk tough on MySpace like you do; oh no. I’m not in high school. See, this isn’t a ‘threat’, this is a promise – if I see your ratfink face anywhere – ANYWHERE – I will beat it in. I will not stop inflicting blows on your ugly ass until someone pulls me off. You’d better pray that someone gives enough of a shit to do so, because from what I understand, most people know how fucking ugly you are as a being and would greatly enjoy watching you get the shit kicked out of you. I am not a violent person; I guess T**** was right when he said his sister brings out the worst in people. I know he was right. He turned out really great- what the fuck happened to you? Did Daddy touch you too many times? Guess what, bitch, we all lead hard lives. Nobody feels bad for you, so quit moping you fucking idiot emo bitch. Turn off your Black Parade – nobody is listening. Grow. The. Fuck. Up.

And get the fuck back to the trash heap from which you came.

Stupid, ugly whore.

Oh, what was that you said? If I ever called you a whore again you’d ‘fucking kill’ me? Let’s see you try, whore. The only reason you’re so loved in Tennessee by those sheep you call friends is because they’re either stupid whores like yourself or you fucked them into pretending to like you. Let’s see you make good on your little MySpace threat.

Also, brownie points for failing to call J*** out on MySpace too, because we all know MySpace is serious business. You seriously need to grow the fuck up. Try your hardest to get into that car accident, please. It would do the whole world a favor. I’ll visit you in the hospital and feed you Lysol and bleach through your fucking feeding tubes.

Cunt.

We started dancing VERY dirty, catching the attention of most of the club. Her hands were all over me up my shirt and shit. I was like “Im in there”, yeah RIIIIGHT! After all that I tried to get the digits and she was like “I have a boyfriend” I was like “I have a girlfriend, we have something in common. I dont wanna take you from him.” She says “I’m here just to have fun, thats all.” Now I’m pissed not because she didn’t want to give me her number but I felt like she was being a cock tease. I didn’t show my anger so I put on a fake smile and when it was time for me to leave I told her it was nice meeting her and when I hugged her I smudged CHEWING GUM in her hair. I made sure it was nice and high so that she couldn’t cut it. AH HA.

I’ve never told anybody and I don’t intend to.

I wish I could tell him why I always take off after we hug or why we can’t fool around even though I really want to.

I hope my molester fucking burns in hell.

I promised my mum that i wouldn’t hurt him, that i’d just turn him into a “friend” and not hurt him. I couldn’t tell her how much i DONT want to be his friend. how much i WANT to hurt him. the only thing stopping me is that i still like being around his family. and i don’t have the courage. he’s still in love with me. and after he comes back from holidays he’ll be like “wtf? what changed?”

Well I changed. I’m sick to death of him and i want to scream at the idea of him touching me ever again. I can’t take it anymore. he does it one more time and i swear to god i will blow my brains out.

I realize that I was just a young stupid kid, but now that I have taken some psychology classes I see how badly I probably effected his psyche. I feel horrid about it every day. Yet I know there isn’t anything I can do… Apologizing would only expunge my guilt, it would do nothing to help him at this point if I even knew where he was or what his last name was even.

I do not know what I seek in this confession, all I know is that I wish I could take it back. But of cource, that is not posible… I guess because there is nothing else I can say or do. I’ll say apologize anyway…

I’m sorry Andrew… I hope you turned out ok…

Pray? Don’t pray for me….. Pray for YOUR soul.