My Reality: Everywhere I go people stop and stare, point and whisper, laugh when I walk by, smirk when I wear heels, come up to me and tell me how tall I am (like I don’t know!), basically make me feel like I should be in the circus!! Why do people do that.. make me feel ugly and insecure?? Why is being tall a bad thing?Better yet, why can’t a woman with my height where heels without everyone making me feel like I am a fucking joke??

Seriously, I just can’t wrap my head around it anymore.. and sadly, its working, keeping me staying inside day after day, avoiding big groups of people, alienating myself from those around me, wearing big baggy clothing so people cant see the real me… i wish someone could see me right now and my tears of rejection.

i just dont understand it. you told me that you like me, then you dont talk to me. you have caused me 22+ cuts all over my body. you make me feel like a worthless piece of shit sometimes. and then i cut myself. is the only way i can get my anger out, becasue if i asked you about it then you would lie to me, even though i know the truth. danm, why do i even bother?

I fucking hate you soooooo much!! i cannot believe that we every use to be friends. now the only people that like you are whores….just like you. they three of you are sluts. no wonder you guys hang out together. you’re such a dumb bitch! you have a fucking boyfriend! mannnn, i feel sooooo fucking sorry for him! you have him, so why do you still flirt with other guys?! oh yeah, its because you’re a whore. man, i dont know what eooeoie sees in you, or anyone as a matter of fact. i think that they only like you is because they know that you’re easy and you can give them what they want. you have no fucking idea how much i just want to punch you in your fucking face. also, you’re just like your sister. she two kids from different guys! WOW, thats you in the future.

I just want you to know that all the picutes that i have of you in my room, now have a fucking push pin in your ugly ass face. i wish that i could do that in real life. i hope after i get out of school, i NEVER hear from you again! i wish that i have never met you. ewwwww i fucking hate you. and stop flirting with people’s crushes. you’re soo stupid and i already know that you fucking do that shit to make peole mad, and thats why everyone fucking hates you. i guess all the guys want is a whore, and they fucking got it, and that you. so go off and keep doing that. i cant fucking wait until the day you ass gets pregant or a std. hahaha im gonna be laughing my ass of at you. man i HATE you.

She treats me with so much disrespect that I can barely stand to look at her and it’s all because of money. She covers most of her bills and food. She covers our rent, which a lot of the time I’ll admit can’t pay. I told her I couldn’t pay but she insisted that I move in.

She drives up the credit card and gets upset that I can’t give her any money b/c she’s in the debt she created.

Recently, I just started making some money to help pay rent but she is so evil with how she speaks to me. I’m sick of it … I’m so damn sick of it! I feel trapped like I can’t get out of this relationship without turning my whole life upside down.

I’ve been thinking about cheating, just to hurt her and make her feel like shit; she’s driving me to it.
Although, it would be better to break-up with her; I don’t see the point of her not feeling the way she makes me feel or worse

I want to wait until I make more money and treat her with the disrespect she treats me with, find another girl and leave. I can’t bare to be with her in my success, when she can’t stand by me respectfully when times are bad.

She doesn’t know business is picking up for me financially.

I don’t know I’m not a bad person . . . maybe I just needed to vent on here . . . maybe.

I never told anyone… things that crossed my mind that my parents would be upset with me… i dont know why they would but its still there…

another thing is the place i was living deals on a lot of taboo in a bad way so it wouldnt be good for me

me and my girlfriend broke up, and now at 20, i have not had a real girlfriend, and also i have no idea if i even like girls or guys, complicated but i dont know… how am i supposed to figure out things!?!?!

Over time I think to myself, I caused this trouble,
attempted to fix it yet made it double,
without any courage to face the hoard,
I stay inside the safety of my gaming board,
so I sit here in the comfort of this lot,
in the humble barracks of ol’ GameSpot.

Yeah, I got banned from a board for being an idiot. But, I’ve come to face it, and accept it. Thank you, everyone.

my family is so fucked up, and i feel like they hate me. my eldest brother *Abe* ignored me for like a year for no reason…like, i went to my brother *dan’s* house for a cook out and he was there, and he wouldnt even make eye contact with me, and he talked to everyone BUT me… then like 20 mins later he went to sleep… even now, i feel like crying cuz of it… i mean, do you know how that feels, im the youngest out of all my siblings (im 16 now, oldest sib. is 32) and when that happened i was only like 15, it hurt so bad, and he didnt even have a reason to do it… my mom said it was cuz the age diff. (hes like 25) but he was perfectly fine talking to my niece who is 11… and i have like 2 friends cuz no1 likes me, i never tell anyone how i feel, cuz i feel stupid and i dont even have a “best friend” and every friend i have always just leaves me, and treats me like shit, and i never stand up for myself… i hate it… and the person who used to be my best friendjust stopped talking to me, and she left me when i really needed her, …. u know how many times i have actually thought about suicide… more than i can count, i doubt id ever do it though.. i just feeling shitty all the time andhave no one there for me… i cant handle it… i dont know what to do…

and im not trying to make anyone feel bad for me or w/e i just wanted to tell someone even though they dont know me cuz i have never told anyone any of the way i feel and think.. ppl just see me as happy funny stupid acting jess, and they have NO idea about unhappy i actually am…
p.s- im not doing this to have ppl feel bad for me, and i tell u this cuz, even doing this, i feel stupid. =[

what im grounded for is, well yesterday my mom made this spaghetti dinner, for when dad got home and everyone was gonna eat, i actually like spaghetti meatballs but.. so she made this dinner and she set out all the plates and stuff to get ready, well my dad was on the computer and my mom was in her room doing something, so what i did was, i decided, i was at the table, i decided i wanted to ‘season the food a little lol

with pepper spray

i wanted to season the food a little

season the food a little lol
because its pepper spray, pepper/seasoning! lol

so what i did was i sprayed this pepper spray all over the food, and it was like all over the food, and i havent sprayed that much pepper spray before, well except this time i sprayed this lady in the face at blockbuster

so then what i did was, was i ran up stairs so fast and then locked my room, and then my mom was all like “come down here, you’re in trouble” and then i was all like hiding in my room and they were trying to open the door but it was locked and i started spraying the pepper spray at the bottom of the door but it wasnt working it was just going in my eyes, and then i just hid in the corner of my room

and then my mum grounded me for two weeks, but she said it will be like 2 weeks if i dont apologise

but im not going to apologise

So you used him for months, pissed him off, ripped his heart out and ate it on the plates he fucking gave you to use. You’re so ungrateful it’s disgusting. Every aspect of you disgusts me and it disgusts… well, everyone. Once again you seem to have pulled the wool over J***’s eyes but you didn’t fool any of us. You seriously think writing a cute nice little letter is going to fix any of the shit you’ve pulled? Um no. You bought yourself what you wanted, another night in his bed. I got to sit back and listen to how miserable you made him, the only reason he tolerated your bullshit for as long as he did was because he’s in love with the girl you used to be, not the satanic whorehound you’ve become. You know, I thought I’d like you. Haha, I couldn’t have been more wrong. I hate you and everything you stand for. I really, truly hope that when your ass does get around to doing that favor you said you’d do (you know, what whole going back to hicksville thing), you’re in a violent car accident or something to the like. I don’t want you to die, no, I want you paralyzed. I want you to suffer. I have never hated anyone like I hate you, ever – and you deserve kudos for that.

Tonight I strongly considered calling out of work, showing up to fighter practice and punching you in the face. If I ever see you again, you can rest assured you will leave blind and limping. God, you’re such an ugly fucking soul. The best part is you think you’re physically attractive, too, but really – you’re not. J*** prefers me over you by far, he always has. I don’t know what he ever saw in you. All he was to you ever was a cheap fuck. Guess what, slut? Cheap fuck or not he knows your game. He’s not that dumb. All you did was buy yourself some time.

Keep in mind, the more time you’re here, the better my chances are of getting to do what I’ve wanted to do for a long time – hurt you. I know my words will go straight through that hollow little head of yours, for there’s not really any brain for them to run into in there. I’m not going to post cute little threats on MySpace and talk tough on MySpace like you do; oh no. I’m not in high school. See, this isn’t a ‘threat’, this is a promise – if I see your ratfink face anywhere – ANYWHERE – I will beat it in. I will not stop inflicting blows on your ugly ass until someone pulls me off. You’d better pray that someone gives enough of a shit to do so, because from what I understand, most people know how fucking ugly you are as a being and would greatly enjoy watching you get the shit kicked out of you. I am not a violent person; I guess T**** was right when he said his sister brings out the worst in people. I know he was right. He turned out really great- what the fuck happened to you? Did Daddy touch you too many times? Guess what, bitch, we all lead hard lives. Nobody feels bad for you, so quit moping you fucking idiot emo bitch. Turn off your Black Parade – nobody is listening. Grow. The. Fuck. Up.

And get the fuck back to the trash heap from which you came.

Stupid, ugly whore.

Oh, what was that you said? If I ever called you a whore again you’d ‘fucking kill’ me? Let’s see you try, whore. The only reason you’re so loved in Tennessee by those sheep you call friends is because they’re either stupid whores like yourself or you fucked them into pretending to like you. Let’s see you make good on your little MySpace threat.

Also, brownie points for failing to call J*** out on MySpace too, because we all know MySpace is serious business. You seriously need to grow the fuck up. Try your hardest to get into that car accident, please. It would do the whole world a favor. I’ll visit you in the hospital and feed you Lysol and bleach through your fucking feeding tubes.

Cunt.

I’ve never told anybody and I don’t intend to.

I wish I could tell him why I always take off after we hug or why we can’t fool around even though I really want to.

I hope my molester fucking burns in hell.

I promised my mum that i wouldn’t hurt him, that i’d just turn him into a “friend” and not hurt him. I couldn’t tell her how much i DONT want to be his friend. how much i WANT to hurt him. the only thing stopping me is that i still like being around his family. and i don’t have the courage. he’s still in love with me. and after he comes back from holidays he’ll be like “wtf? what changed?”

Well I changed. I’m sick to death of him and i want to scream at the idea of him touching me ever again. I can’t take it anymore. he does it one more time and i swear to god i will blow my brains out.

I realize that I was just a young stupid kid, but now that I have taken some psychology classes I see how badly I probably effected his psyche. I feel horrid about it every day. Yet I know there isn’t anything I can do… Apologizing would only expunge my guilt, it would do nothing to help him at this point if I even knew where he was or what his last name was even.

I do not know what I seek in this confession, all I know is that I wish I could take it back. But of cource, that is not posible… I guess because there is nothing else I can say or do. I’ll say apologize anyway…

I’m sorry Andrew… I hope you turned out ok…

What am I doing and what do I want?

He always commented on how he loved my breasts because they’re 36Ds and his wife’s are barely filling an “A” cup but she is BEAUTIFUL, inside and out. Well one time I was over to their home. He was not there, at first. Her mother called, needing a ride to pick up a prescription. My friend asked me to stay at her home while her newborn was sleeping. I agreed. I thought the perverted JERKWAD wouldn’t be home any time soon because he’s always out, fucking anything with a pussy. Well, he unlocks the front door, comes into the den and looks at me all surprised. He noticed that his wife’s car was not there so he asked me where she was. I told him that she left to take her mom somewhere. He comes over to me, really close and says, “oh so we’re all alone now!” He grabs at my shirt and sort of yanks it down, exposing my breasts. He sorta lets out this moan and tries to bury his face between them. I pushed him away, called him every cussword I knew and tried to ease past him. I thought my words would piss him off and he’d leave me alone.

WRONG. Turned him on even more. He grabs at me and slams me so hard to the floor that the wind was knocked out of me. He straddles me, bends down and starts licking all on my neck. I was terrified and begged him to stop and reminded him that his baby was in the other room asleep. His exact words were, “I’m trying to make a baby with you!” He raises my shirt above my head, pulls my bra up to the collar bone and starts suckling my breasts. This guy is muscular and tall and VERY strong. I always thought when women said they couldn’t get someone off of them they weren’t trying hard enough. Now I understand. Anyway, I prayed for my friend to walk in and catch him in the act. She didn’t. He raped me that night, violently. His penis was so huge…my god how do women handle that? I felt like he was ripping me apart. And he moaned and moaned and commented on how tight my “snapper” was and how he fantasized about doing this to me. I mean he actually was enjoying himself while I cried, pleaded and begged for him to stop. It made me sick. I wish he would hurry up but he didn’t. He took his time and he ejaculated inside of me and when he did, he tried to put all of himself inside of me, which (later on finding out) did something to my cervix and I believe tilted my uterus. I wanted to die right there. I was so sore and hurt that I thought I would die.

I didn’t know what to do. When he was finished, he said that if I thought of telling I might as well forget about it because she’d never believe me, which was true. He can do no wrong in her eyes.

I wondered where she was at and secretly blamed this on her. Why the hell would it take so long to go to Walgreens???!!!!!! I wasn’t there when she came back. As soon as he got off of me and I put my tattered clothing back on, I was out of there.

When I walked out of that house, I could feel his semen seeping out of me and into my panties. Makes me sick just thinking about it. I didn’t end up pregnant and thank god for no STDs but mentally and emotionally I am totally fucked up. When I got home I took a shower, I know I shouldn’t have but I had no intention on reporting it. I noticed that I had some blood in my panties along with some semen. My neck had purplish blotches on it, which were hickeys. My nipples were raw from him sucking them so hard. My stomach was cramped up and I bled all night. I went to the doctor the next day. She asked me if I had been assaulted because of how my cervix looked but I denied it. I just wanted it to all go away. But it hasn’t!

My friend did call me the next day and asked why I left and I simply said I left because he came home. I’ve been trying to forget this but I can’t because he still harrasses me and still says lewd things. I want it to stop!!!! He has ruined my life. I no longer have a boyfriend and I don’t want to have sex ever again.

I have all but stopped going over to my friend’s house because he’s there and he still harrasses me. I have changed my home number and cell many times but he always manages to find it. Why can’t this idiot just leave me alone? Why mess with me?

I also must confess that even though I never met the woman face-to-face, I hate her guts. Being my complete opposite, she represents all that I despise about being a female. Just the fact that we have genitalia in common makes me sick, although mine is well-groomed and I’m not plagued with contant yeast infections.

I’m not saying I hate being a woman, I’m saying I hate being associated with boring, uptight, SUV/minivan driving Mommies who talk in nasal voices and yack incessantly into their cell phones and shave their necks. I think the idea of such a woman coming home and finding a naked hippie heathen under her precious Hubby Wubby is HILARIOUS.

Unfortunately, I have too many morals to carry this out myself. I sure don’t want him dipping his wick into her greasy, hairy yeast burger and then dipping into my tight, clean kitten. Yuck. Even if he stuck his weiner in boiling water it wouldn’t be enough.

I’m also secretly angry at men who marry these boring, uptight hags because they think it’s the safe and easy thing to do. Have fun going without sex for the rest of your lives. Oral sex is now a distant memory. Why do you do this to yourselves? I’m a fun, easy-going woman. I’ve had one sexual partner, I have all my teeth, I don’t look bad, I’m healthy. But because I’m the kind of person who other people may find appealing for whatever reason, I’m not safe.

Have fun with your harpies with their capri pants and their Keds and their neck stubble. Fun, sex and affection are so overrated when you have a big, fat hound dog that sits at your side and nags your ear off every night. She may be annoying but garsh, she’s loyal. Is it worth it?

Pray? Don’t pray for me….. Pray for YOUR soul.